Five Things I Didn't Understand in 2009.

Here are the Top Five Things I Didn't Understand in 2009:

5. The Black Eyed Peas. I just found out that "the Peas" had two of the five most downloaded songs on iTunes in 2009. The group, or members of it, seem to show up at every major event. However, I can't name a single Black Eyed Peas song. I don't know anyone who regularly listens to them--and I know a lot of people. I don't dislike them, I just don't understand their covert popularity.

4. NCIS. Apparently, NCIS is the most-watched show on television. Seriously. I didn't even know the damn thing existed until I read that somewhere. That led me to watch an episode. Someone please explain this to me? Who is watching this show and WHY? Is it the intentionally quirky goth scientist woman? Is it the appeal of a sleepwalking, aging Mark Harmon? Is it the silliness of some Navy cop unit expanding its jurisdiction to encompass everything?

3. Teabaggers Taking Offense at Being Called Teabaggers. They should stop taking offense at the self-imposed nickname and count themselves lucky that they didn't decide to ship rusty trombones to Washington. I don't understand their inability to foresee the teabagging wisecracks or their decision to fight a losing battle against it.

2. Twittermania. I'm on Twitter. It makes sense that I might find it useful. I work by myself on a computer all day. I can imagine all sorts of neat applications for microblogging in general, too. Still, I don't understand the mainstream interest in using it as a means of shouting out random crap about which no one could conceivably care. Why do millions follow Ashton Kutcher? What valuable insight is he providing? Why are people Tweeting about their morning cinnamon rolls? I don't understand.

1. Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man. Steve Harvey wrote a relationship advice guide for women and it became one of the best-selling books of the year. That would piss me off if it wasn't so weird.

Honorable Mention:

Lady Gaga. Huh? Why?

The fact that AT&T was willing to give me $250 cash back to let them supply me with cable and Internet along with a massive bucket of other discounts when all they needed to do was beat the other outfits' prices by a few bucks.